6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
