nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
