I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
