Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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