Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
