you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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