he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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