dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
People in love make me want to vomit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
