In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
