Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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