Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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