I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
