The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
