i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
