You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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