his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
