I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
