hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
