I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
