she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
