This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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