from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I understand Curling. That high.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
