just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
