i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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