You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
