im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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