If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
