Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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