did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
