I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
