Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
