the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
