So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
