Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
