careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
