I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
