I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
