so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
