I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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