I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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