listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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