my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
