Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
