it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found your dick twin last night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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