I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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