I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
