I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
