chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
