He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
