I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
