it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
