you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
