you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
